The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were trust falling into bushes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
