No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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