I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
