The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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