You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize