i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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