Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The air was thick with penises
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
