on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
