Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
