she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
