Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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