I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
