his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
