I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Small penises have feelings too.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
