I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
