you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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