Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You can't special order awesome
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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