i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
