Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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