You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
