Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
