the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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