So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
