I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
