OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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