I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
