I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize