Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
