just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
