I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
