32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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