there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
