U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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