i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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