Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
