I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
