how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
