Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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