I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well I just put wine in my tea
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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