its not stalking. its research.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
