Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
