Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
