youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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