Tell her she can't have a vagina
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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