Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
