Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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