We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
