Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
