is your mom at the bar?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
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