im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I enjoy the company of your penis
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