I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
