I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
