i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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