we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize