My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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