i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Randomize
