So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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