I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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