you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dick very happy bro
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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