there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
