I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We left the knife in your bed.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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