At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
