Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize