Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I had to cum in my sink.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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