My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize