i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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