i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We need to get me chipped asap
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
