Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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