What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
