I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
