Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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