Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
