Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises

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(216): View more from Ohio

i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.

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(516): View more from New York

Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.

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(309): View more from Illinois

I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS

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(720): View more from Colorado

After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.

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(269): View more from Michigan

Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.

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(703): View more from Virginia

its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight

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(971): View more from Oregon

Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin

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